if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
