You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
