tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
