You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
