Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
