I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
