You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
