i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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