DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
