I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
