Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
