Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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