Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
