...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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