Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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