There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
