Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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