You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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