That's when you crack a 10am beer
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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