My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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