I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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