where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
