she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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