Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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