I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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