He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
