Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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