Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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