Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
