According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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