everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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