I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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