awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
