I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
