I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
