I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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