Just fell off a train. Bad.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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