Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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