Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
