dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
