I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
