I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
