So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Please, let me fuck your mom
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
