You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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