: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize