i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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