Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
