You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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