I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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