what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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