why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
