Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
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