I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
