The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
