There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
