The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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