On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
