chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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