he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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