you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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