I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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