just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
