I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
