so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
