she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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